he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
