Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
