and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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