Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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