wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
