Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
