Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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