Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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