mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
