i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
