I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
