Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
