mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
