What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
