his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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