if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
