I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
