I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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