there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
