Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
