no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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