i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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