idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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