Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
