A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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