none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
