Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
40s are totally the cure
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
