I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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