my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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