I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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