I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize