remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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