Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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