Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
