Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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