so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
