i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
