ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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