I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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