apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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