chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The air was thick with penises
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
