so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
