Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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