I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
