Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
