my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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