I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
