okay pat passed out under dana's car
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
