Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
