just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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