He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
