we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
