I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
