After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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