I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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