Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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