apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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