if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
