Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
