Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
