a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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