I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
