he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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