new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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