shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
