she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
