hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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