Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
