me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
