omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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