yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
