Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
