there's paper in my vomit.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
