Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize