I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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