Non-Jews are for practice
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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