Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize