I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
