new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
