Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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