I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
